Avoid the 2 HUGE Mistakes 95% People Make Most people don't play it smart. They react…usually in one of two ways. They try harder...to tolerate. They swallow….hard. They wimp out and put up with all kinds of crap. (Sorry about the language, but I assume you have thought worse.) They hope time will cure and he will come to his senses. Often they try harder by being really nice - meeting his needs; it's called "working on the marriage." Give him what he always said he wanted and win him back. Doesn't work. You prostitute your integrity…and deep down you know it.. and resent it. As well, you feel like you are competing with the OP (other person.) If he does stop the affair and "comes back" it is out of guilt or pity and what do you really have then? Others Go on the attack. Plead. Beg. Become righteous. Explode every so often. Threaten. Become depressed. Enlist the help of others. Use guilt. Use the children. Talk. Talk. Talk. Desperately make promises. Doesn't work either. You don't have to become a basket case; it's no fun. And if he does "come back" it's out of coercion. Don't you want to be wanted rather than have him feel like he must be with you because you bullied him? A Step-by-Step Guide that That REALLY WORKS for YOUR SITUATION

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People are different, right? Well, so are affairs. Affairs are exceedingly complex, but there are patterns that you can identify.

What works to break free from one kind of affair will be disaster for another. Are you confused? Not sure what to say? What to do? Afraid that saying one thing might be destructive? Do you feel like you are walking on eggshells?

Identify specifically what you are up against and you will feel more confident because you know exactly what will work and what will not work.

I've identified 7 kinds of affairs marked by the different excuses most commonly used. These types are thoroughly explained in Break Free From The Affair

My, how the cheating spouse cries foul when he/she discovers you are spying.

Outrage can be intense: “How dare you!! I never thought you would stoop to that! How could you!? How can there be trust in this relationship if you do that? This is none of your business; I don’t spy and go behind your back! Now you know why I want to pull away from you. How could I love anyone that would do something like that to me? On and on.

Cheating husbands and cheating wives usually will not admit the duplicity of their clandestine behavior. But you are made out to be the villain if you use detective work to discover the truth. It doesn’t make sense, but then again not much about infidelity borders close to sanity.

Are you a morally corrupt duplicitous character hell bent on destroying the integrity of a relationship through spying? No, of course not. The integrity of the relationship has been destroyed through the extramarital affair. The affair shattered the promises and mocked the vows that the two of you made.

You saw clearly the signs of a cheating spouse. The affair invaded the domain of your marriage and crumbled its protective boundaries. The marital infidelity broke the contract of the marriage; it was the act of betrayal. Spying does not damage the marriage. It is an attempt to seek the truth and resolve the pain and deception.

Spying is often used to grasp the reality of the situation. It’s intent is to find the truth. Only the truth can provide a foundation from which to begin resolving the hurt, pain and forging a direction for the marriage and enable each person in the marriage to attain health and sanity.

Dr. Huizenga, the "Infidelity Coach," hosts the free Website: Break Free From the Affair, which helps couples deal with emotional infidelity and Extramarital affairs. If you think your spouse is cheating, visit today.

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